In the Moment

Ladies– Can we talk? We’ve all heard the expression “Men are from Mars, women are from Venus.” Many of us will attest to this viewpoint given sentiments like: “We’re just so different;” “He just doesn’t listen to me;” and “I don’t ask for much; just do what you say you’re going to do.” Sound familiar? Does to me. However, what if we’re not from different planets? What if he was actually listening to you when you were expressing your feelings? “How can that be?” you ask. Perhaps he was just “in the moment.”

I’ve had these types of discussions with my hubby many times. I used to (and still do, on occasion) get so frustrated with him because I thought he was not listening to me; that he wasn’t hearing me. Yet, Hubby would adamantly proclaim that he was, in fact, listening to me. It’s just that he had heard something different than what I had communicated. What was this phenomenon?

Over time, I began to realize that Hubby and I process very differently and, in turn, communicate very differently. It became our task to try to listen from each other’s perspective and respond accordingly.

This was no easy task, and we still have to remind ourselves of this task from time to time. But because we love each other and we trust that we have each other’s best interest at heart, it’s worth the effort.

Now, I am not suggesting that our husbands, boyfriends, or partners get a pass just because they love us. Or that they don’t have to practice the art of active listening. Or even that they’re always being completely honest about what they think they heard and such. I’m simply suggesting that when you find yourselves seemingly on separate pages for no apparent reason; when it seems that you’re saying one thing and he’s hearing another; or that he said one thing you heard another, that perhaps it’s not so much that he’s not listening to you or that he’s BSing you, but, rather, that he’s just in the moment. So, if the love and trust are in tact in the relationship, cut him some slack, work on the communication and enjoy the journey.

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